How do we create a community life for ourselves?

‘We need community life to experience a sense of belonging, value and social empowerment.’ Freja ♥

I read a magazine at the doctor’s the other day that said that in the recent floods (in the Gloucester area) people over the age of 65 had coped far better than the younger victims. This was because they had experienced the war and they knew how to pull together in a crisis. In WW2 there was a tremendous sense of purpose and rallying together which enabled people to cope with all the loss and threat to survival. People often say we (in the West) have lost our sense of community and that our social fabric has become eroded and fragmented. The inherent selfishness of consumerism and individualism are often seen as the culprits. It seems that all we collectively care about today is trying to make life as easy and convenient as possible for ourselves.

In all our privilege and comfort, we seem to have lost something important – a sense of community. We all know that when human beings come together with purpose and determination, amazing things can be achieved and challenges overcome. So what happens when we no longer have something big to fight against like war, absolute poverty, famine, or disease?

Community living has been made optional by our society’s success – most people don’t need their local community to survive and so many choose not to get involved at all. When you know you can have your own garden/ car/ computer/ T.V. – why share one? When you know that you are safe in bed at night because wars only happen ‘over there’ in some foreign land – there is no point in getting to know your neighbours – after all, you’ll never need to rely on them for anything. When you know you can go to the local supermarket and get anything you want to eat from anywhere in the world – why bother learning the skills for growing, catching, preparing, cooking or preserving food from the elders in your community? If we need something, we only have to buy it – we don’t have to bother forging relationships, sharing or learning skills from those around us to get what we need on a material level.

But what happens when disaster strikes? What happens if you never get married or have children – who do you rely on then? And what about when the oil runs out or something else stops our food chain in its industrial tracks? How can our communities support us when they are not functioning because we have forgotten how to share and support each other and we have handed all our collective power over to big business and the Government?

We don’t just need our fellows to survive on a material level. We need each other for belonging and spiritual connectedness. Since we collectively left the Church and the extended family we have increasingly put pressure on our primary sexual relationships to be ‘all things’ to us. Marriage (or a sexual relationship) was never intended to replace community. The nuclear family model has encouraged us to separate ourselves from the rest of our community in self sufficiency and privacy. But what happens when the relationship struggles, fails or someone dies?

The truth is; a huge amount of the loneliness and depression that is endemic in our society is born out of this lack of belonging to a larger community. We feel empty, disconnected and afraid and we don’t know why. Feeling secure and valued within a large community of people is an amazing antidote to the sense of separation our society engenders. We need community life to experience a sense of belonging, value and empowerment. Family and close friends play an important role but even they cannot replace living as part of a ‘village’ or belonging to a larger, impersonal group. In such a community we can experience being lovingly accepted whilst also maintaining our personal identity and values because the expectations of us are much lower than in personal relationships. You don’t have to be emotionally involved with people to feel a sense of belonging and spiritual unity.

So, how do we create a community life for ourselves? Where ever you live, you can start by being willing to get to know the people who live near by. Start small; say hello, or smile at people when passing by, even if you don’t know them. Shop locally and take the time to chat to your local shop keepers – friendliness always goes a long way. If you get your paper delivered, consider walking or cycling to the shop instead. Be willing to stop and chat on the street. You’d be amazed at how great this feels!

If you are feeling a bit more confident you could get more adventurous; find out what activities are happening locally and get involved or at least show your face… Knock on a neighbour’s door to borrow something or ask for help. Invite someone round for a cuppa, or host a neighbour’s drinks night. If nothing is happening where you live, or you don’t fancy what’s on offer, start your own thing. You could organise a street party, fête or Christmas fair!

If you are more comfortable taking a practical approach there are also many things you can do. Start or join a community garden, allotment or orchard. Do some conservation work. Contribute to or start a local rag. Organise some litter picking, or gardening for elderly neighbours. Start a child care swap or sharing circle…

There are always things you can do to help improve your neighbourhood or the lives of those who live in it. All you need is willingness and patience. You can take your time and see what works for you and your community. Most people are just waiting for an excuse to reach out to their neighbours and will welcome your enthusiasm. Remember – the point of getting involved is both to enrich your life and to create a strong, empowered and effective community. Getting involved will give you more social connectedness and a wonderful sense of pride in where you live.

by Freja ♥ © September 2007