While there are many benefits to
'staying the course' and to being loyal and committed, sometimes we
reach a point where we must 'walk away' from a relationship or
situation. We can spend many weeks, months or sometimes even years
feeling unsure and undecided about whether to 'stay or go'. So, how
can we tell when it is time to walk away?
It was not so very long ago that people
were expected to simply 'put up with' their lot in life and it seems
that having the ability to do this is still regarded as being a sign
of inner strength and fortitude. While sometimes this truly is the
case, more often than not the desire to 'stick it out' comes not from
inner strength but from feelings of fear.
The list of fears that come up can be
quite overwhelming; fear of lack or scarcity, fear of insecurity or
loss, fear of nothing better being available, fear of being 'wrong',
being judged by others or making a mistake... you get the picture.
Our internal fears only get amplified when we think of the old saying
'better the Devil you know than the Devil you don't.' Surely
it better to have no Devil at all?
This rather popular expression suggests
that ultimately we are always caught between a rock and a hard place;
that even if we manage to escape some awful reality, there is nothing
better available to us so we may as well just 'put up and shut up'.
Or, as a rather forthright Headmaster once advised me to do when I
was really struggling as a teacher; 'go home, have a stiff drink,
then come back tomorrow and get your head down.' 'Ah', I thought to
myself, 'so that's where I have been going wrong all my life!'
For better or worse, I have never been
able to simply 'put up and shut up' and this has made for a very
rocky ride indeed. Although my approach has lead to a somewhat
insecure life, when I look back the only thing that ever truly
bothered me was the nagging belief that I should somehow be
able to 'put up and shut up', and that if I can't then there must
be something wrong with me.
The list of 'shoulds' that accompany
the 'putting up with it' approach is also very long; should be able
to 'stick at it'; should be able to turn a blind eye or ignore
unacceptable behaviour, should be able to meet the unrealistic
demands and expectations of others, should try harder, work harder,
be more accommodating and less sensitive. The question is, where did
we all get the idea that if a situation is truly awful that we just
need to 'get better' at dealing with it, and if we can't that it
means we are not trying hard enough? And who decided that being a
'responsible' adult equals agreeing to put up with 'the Devil' in our
jobs and relationships?
Over the last hundred years or so, we
have been moving into a more 'liberated' age, a time when people feel
compelled to break free of oppression and enslavement. This process
is all part of evolution of Humanity which is pushing us more and
more urgently toward spiritual freedom. However, until we are ready
to fully experience liberation and have found a way to integrate it
into our lives, it can seem like all we are doing is trying to run
away from something we ought to be able to accept.
Nothing can be further from the truth.
Ultimately we are not really 'running away' from anything, we are
'running toward' spiritual freedom and inner peace. However, this
process takes time and can make us feel lost and confused. Our soul's
call for spiritual liberation usually begins with a strong
intolerance for oppression, bullying, double standards, and for
unreasonable demands being made on us in exchange for the security of
love and/or money. Any intolerance to the endemic abuse of power
within our society is not a sign of weakness or irresponsibility, it
is a sign that your soul wants to break free.
The closer you get to reaching
spiritual freedom, the greater your intolerance of power abuse
becomes, however minor, subtle or unintentional. As your inner
journey brings you closer to personal liberation, you become
increasingly sensitive to how others respond to and affect your
energy. While it would be so much easier to function 'normally', the
'normal' lack of sensitivity is actually due to desensitisation
caused by thousands of years of oppression and layer upon layer of
cultural denial.
Heightened sensitivity and intolerance
to oppression is a sign of becoming increasingly unable to live in
the 'Old Paradigm' – the abusive hierarchical social order that
people have lived under for thousands of years. While it is a
challenge for any individual soul to swim against the collective
tide, thankfully the collective tide is now turning towards equality and
personal freedom. Gone are the days when you are likely to be nailed
to a cross or burned at the stake for owning your power or striving
towards spiritual freedom – though don't be surprised if you are
judged or shamed for it.
If you are trying to decide whether to
stick at something or to walk away, you need only ask which option
will enable your soul to evolve. Take a step back to check
your feelings and listen carefully for any 'shoulds', underlying
fears or limiting beliefs that may be holding you hostage. If having
done all this you are still not sure, then make an empowered decision
to commit yourself fully to your current situation, at least
for the time being. And trust that if it turns out that you do need
to walk away, in time it will become absolutely crystal clear –
just as soon as you are ready.
Freja ♥
